Esther Tela Free speaks

You woke me up

3rd inning in a mid-season game

So in May or so, I wandered into Volume Bomb, a guitar store down the street from my house. I passed it at least once a day and had never stopped since it opened a bit ago. I saw the guy smoking on the steps and he looked harmless, and I had an itch to get a guitar (this was before Grace, my gold top showed up in my life) and I was on the hunt. I walked in after parking on the street and made my way into the dark, hushed shop that would be the change in my life I had been looking for. I picked up a white Reverend and began to strum it a little and then hung it gently back up on its rack and started to gaze around the shop. I noticed some dark, funny pins, some great patches and t-shirts and of course the coveted Orange amplifiers that always make me wrinkle my nose with joy when I see them. I chatted up the owner and he just happend to mention that there was a recording studio connected to the shop and pointed at a door right next to his chair, hidden in the wall. That’s studio B he said. I casually asked if they were looking for interns. I had previously wanted to be an intern with a local record label but that hadn’t panned out. Nor had the job for Bandcamp that I had really wanted just a month or so prior. The bearded man informed me that I should email J, the head Engineer and ask him the same question. After a little bit more conversation and an exchange of emails, I headed home and wrote an email to J right away. I had a feeling this was the right choice and boy was I right.

All my life, I had wanted to be part of the music industry but never really knew it. I focused all my schooling and energy to being a healthcare worker. But now, physically, I cannot stand for what would be required to work in that field in the way that I would want. After leaving my husband and settling into a new life, an internship is exactly what I needed. And the best part; it’s a mile from my house!

I’ve now been interning for more then a couple of months and have been trusted with a key to the place and left alone at times. I have gained a lot of courage and I will always and forever be grateful to J and G for giving me a shot.

Today, I was offered a job to go on tour out east with a band. A band that has a pretty well known booking agent. And about 1000 people per show. I dont know exactly what job I would have been doing as I mentioned that I wanted to be support on the road and was rewarded with a ‘would you like to go on tour in October?’

Sadly, ,I had to turn it down as I am traveling to the mid-west and driving my mother from Michigan to Florida at the same time tour is taking place. Perhaps though, this is just the first of many offers. I have nothing but an empty path in front of me with it heading in many directions. Which one Ill take, which one I’ll head down. I just don’t know.

The Oping was born today. An idea that popped into my head just yesterday. But it’s almost a toddler in just a short 24 hour span. I guess when I’m motivated, and find the right programs, I can finish something. And create something that didn’t exist before. Whether it will survive toddlerdom, is yet to be seen. Saturday is the big pitch to the players in the field, who will be letting me know if I”ve made a ball or strike.

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August 25, 2017 Posted by | Changes, Internship, The Oping, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

4 months , 16 days

I said I couldn’t wait til the good parts. Well. They arrived and I’m writing about it today. August 23rd, 2017.

I have an internship I love. I have a fantastic roommate. I have a best friend. I have the right to do anything I want to and I’m enjoying it. I’m trying different and new things. Reading a lot of books. And heading into the past by trying to teach myself computer stuff. I really enjoy it. I’m close with my mom. I have tickets to 4 concerts and I have 2 plane tickets with a 3rd and 4th on the horizon. The universe still gives me clues that I’m on the right path. That’s the thing that keeps me calm and sane. I know I’m on the right path.

I’m really bummed I missed that job opportunity with Bandcamp. I  keep an eye on their jobs page in hopes that one day the browser will provide me with that path that I glimpsed but ended up turning away from. I’m slowly drifting back in that way but it’s a light airy place with no solid ground except for my own two feet and that is a new experience for me. I’m solely dependent and responsible for myself and my decisions. I didn’t know I had been living my life so poorly. I mean I knew. But I didn’t think I would change. I thought life was over. My doctor had said I would be on them for the rest of my life, but as it stands I’ve had one craving and finding 4 opiate pills the other night didn’t even trigger the cravings.

Clearing out my room was an exorcism for me and something that has cleared my head. I have plans through the fall and that makes me happy. I’m not looking really any further then that. I am definitely still falling into old patterns and having issues that have haunted me all my life. But in other ways, I’m completely different. I eat olives. That’s huge. I used to not even want to get near one. I never gagged like an old friend of mine would if they tasted olive juice but it was something I avoided in my diet at all times. I have to buy cans weekly now if that tells you anything. I make my bed every day too. That is another change that is small but definitely noticeable to me in the way my brain is acting. I’m still having issues with words. I’ll get stuck, not able to find the right word for what I want to say. It’s frustrating and not getting any better after 16 months in recovery. I fear that it will stick around and I don’t know how I feel about that. I worry that my friends and acquaintances will judge me as not being as intelligent as I know I am.

I guess I’ll end this with the fact that I do have the story started. It’s just set to publish after court.

I told him I’d leave if he put his hands on me.

August 24, 2017 Posted by | hubby, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment