Esther Tela Free speaks

You woke me up

Dreams , beams, automobiles

I really wish that the holes in my memory would start giving it up. While talking to the hubby yesterday I wanted so badly to tell him a story that involved me and someone else and something that happened years ago but I could only remember an outline of the stuff and I told it as best I could. Didn’t sound as great as I  had hoped and I wish there was some sort of pill to take to help you get your memory back.

A religious ambassador. I don’t know why we don’t have them. I mean what a grand way to help ease the wars in the world right now. Every religion would have someone that speaks for them, and perhaps we could acheive peace in this world but at the same time, I don’t even know if that’s possible.

I’m at work right now, passing time while the boss is on a (ring) conference call. Sometimes I wonder if the redhead thinks about the fans as much as a lot of us think of him. I know my husband and I have both had dreams with him in them, and it makes me wonder, on those same nights, is the redhead having dreams about his fans? Now I’m not saying he’s necessarily in our dreams but I wonder if he himself dreams about being onstage. The story he told, bout the dream that he had involving the apple and the one tooth never really struck me as a real dream, but if it was, man he has fucked up dreams.

One lasting thing from my ‘episode’ of the month of Feb, is the high beams thing. I still to this day am wondering why ‘it’ told me to keep my high beams on. I still want to know who ‘it’ was, and why I knew where to go and what was guiding me. I was never scared and I hated it that I scared the hubby. I wish he could have felt what was in my heart that night. I felt elated. I felt light as a feather. I felt like I could do anything, save someone’s life, something really dramatic. I felt that I could save the world that night if I needed too. Sometimes I wonder if all I really want is to just be loved for the rest of my life and if that’s the case then I’m all set. The hubby is the one, there has never been any doubt, and he loves me perfectly. I have no complaints (except maybe how he never wipes up his crumbs while making toast) but those aren’t real complaints. The best part about my life right now is that I’m ‘livin large’ as me and the hubby have been saying and even though we are still living somewhat check to check, we do not lack anything including love and that makes us lucky in today’s world. I am thankful to you redhead for the music that you gave to us. It also helped to shape our relationship, and I am thankful most of all to you hubby, even though you aren’t going to read this, I am very thankful that you fell in love with me as hard as I fell in love with you. I will love you forever. Promise Promise.

Advertisements

March 27, 2007 Posted by | hubby, karma, love, mt hood, phish, positivity, reality, Trey | Leave a comment

Today was an ok day

It’s not quite over yet, though I am debating missing my PT today because my hips are so sore, but the longer I sit, the more I know I have to go. If I start skipping at the beginning it doesn’t forbode well for me to have a different outcome. I couldn’t do the home exercises because of the pain last night and this morning so it’s imperitive that I go to the gym and get led in some more exercises. They are here to help me, not defeat me, not put me down, they are with me in this fight to win the battle of my immune system. As long as I stay strong and keep that positive attitude then I’m already 50% better then I could have ever hoped to be. Maybe 33% I haven’t decided how much I really do have under my own control. Placebos work, its been scientifically proven, so that means that if I fight as hard as I can mentally and get rest, and do all the things they ask me to do, then I can get through today. It’s hard for the hubby right now I know. He can sense that I need help but it’s help that I don’t think he can give me. If he were a physiologist or physical therepist, then maybe. But what he does help me with is everything else in my life.

I think I’ll turn on some music and see where the internet takes me. Come along for the ride..bbinb.

February 26, 2007 Posted by | hubby, kneecap, love, patella, positivity | Leave a comment