Esther Tela Free speaks

You woke me up

Brittle and white shells

Slowly starting to come together. I read somewhere about gold filled cracks of pots and China form to make something that is worthy of being shown tik the world.  I’m trying to start each dat by deciding yo be happy.  I feel like I have to keep this delicate balance I have going right now. I’m working physical and mental health all at the same time and boy us it like spinning plates.  I pray I have the strength to keep everything balanced. I’m wanting to move forward on whatever path I’ve stumbled onto. Writing really helps. The music is back to comforting me instead of being a reminder of fucking up. It felt like that for a little bit but thar first night home, I knew all would be well. I actually felt it when I stared out the planes window and glimpsed the lights in portland. I’ve found home. And I’m doing ok today.

December 1, 2017 Posted by | Alone, anxiety, believe, Changes, depression, Dreams, music, patience, positivity, randoms, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Help would be nice

The Bliss is gone. I’ve fucked up all the plans I had for the future and I fucked up with the one person that means the most to me. It’s gonna be real hard to let you go but I have to find some way to continue on in my life and I can’t do this anymore. The hints. The clues. They aren’t enough for me right now. I always believed that I would be with you already. After CB I thought we would be together but I’ve been just going crazy the whole time. The logo: I’ll never know who or why someone did that but now it feels like it doesn’t mean anything. Just some sort of glitch that keeps happening.  It used to soothe me. Knowing that you were out there waiting for me made life a lot better. It gave me something to look forward to. Now it’s empty. I feel empty and alone and I guess that’s what god wants me to be. I’m trying to believe, I’m trying but the clues are gone. The Bliss is gone and I just don’t know what to do with myself. My dream of working the tour is gone. It’s all gone. All my dreams have been shattered and now I’m just a pile if white egg shell pieces and I don’t know how to put myself back together again.

November 27, 2017 Posted by | Alone, anxiety, Changes, depression, patience, Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment