Esther Tela Free speaks

You woke me up

Bliss

It’s hard to put into words what it feels like but it can sometimes come in the form of a pill, a powder, a liquid, a note. Which one of those sounds like it just might not hurt you? It’s nice to know that I’m actually feeling this way from listening to music. Most nights. When it’s quiet in the world and only about 9 million Swedes are awake (and the occiasional night owl like me and caligurl over there in tumblr land)I remember I’d take my dose as soon as I woke up. I don’t know if I knew I would have withdrawl from the opiates or if I just wanted to feel that rush and not even let it get to that point. I guess I loved it so much. And of course it helped take the edge off. You start to feel like you are on a slow incline up a roller coaster only you are floating in a soft cloud of something that makes you feel weightless. You know what euphoria really means. I don’t know exactly when I gave up. It was somewhere in 2013 or so.

26 members. 9-7-2017

Made the first poll. I’m seriously having too much fun testing the functionality of the board n shit. I know I can just go public but I want to try and build up some of that momentum. I do just now wonder though. Did I pull the trigger too soon? I’m the queen of that. Jumping in too fast and forging ahead trying to make a trail through the woods only to find myself at the edge of a cliff or trying to push through too thick of brush. And just stopping. Or being forced to stop by something completely out of my control.

My brain is coming back. My words are coming back. My writing is coming back. I’m 16 months after the near death experience. I wonder sometimes if I’m just making excuses by saying I’m recovering or if I’m fitting into some predetermined shape that everyone goes through when they experience what I experienced.

I am really hoping to hear from another of the ghouls but I fear that may not happen. I need to change that train of thought and get back to him. Whoever, whatever he is.

I want to at least thank him though. Because he gives me the bliss that I used to seek out sometimes by taking an extra pill here or there. Listening to a song, and feeling the way I do when certain sound waves interact and move through the air needs to be bottled. It needs to be shared with the world. I feel like a unicorn on a rainbow colored cloud of cotton candy. How’s that for a visual 😉

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October 13, 2017 - Posted by | Stream of Consciousness, Uncategorized | , , , , , ,

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