Esther Tela Free speaks

You woke me up

Out the other side

Well I’ve made it through some sort of test. I should say tests as this is a never ending set of tests that if I fail, something pretty damn ugly might happen. I’m starting to realize that I may never be with you. Ever. And I have to accept this as fact. I’m so in love with you it’s silly. I miss you so much. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. So badly. I still have David. My mom tried to tell me I didn’t have any friends. I feel like I have you. I have your friends. I have Grant et all at the Unity Center. I have folktime. They taught me, and are teaching me to handle the anxiety that I know isn’t my fault. It’s your fault Mom. It’s all your fault. You didn’t teach me how to live this life. You didn’t do anything except make me dependent on other people which is not how you make it through this life. I have to depend on myself; first and foremost.

I want to go on tour. I want to leave yesterday. I’m so ready to let it all go and just take a plunge into a new life. And say goodbye to this one. I’m sure I’ve screwed up in some way, I’m the queen of screwing up but what I’m starting to realize is that even if I screw up, things will go on and I will get another chance to set the path towards the right way.

I’m starting to get sleepy. I’m not sure if I should go nap. I’m not sure what to do. I need guidance. I need help.

The new album is incredible LD. It makes me feel so much and that’s what music is supposed to do. That’s what you do.

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October 9, 2017 - Posted by | anxiety, Changes, mom, music, reality

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