Esther Tela Free speaks

You woke me up

Day 1

So it’s come down to this. I accept the challenge. Chatted up the CL guy and asked him about clouds and gigs and turnkey. One month he said. Expect it to take one month. Give me two weeks. 😉

Two of em, one 5g. Now..time to find some way to turn it from the bits and bytes that it is into something we can slide in and experience.

THAT too is what it’s all about my friends

Advertisements

March 15, 2017 Posted by | Dreams, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Level 3

Ready Player One..one of the best books I’ve read in the past few years. I remember that one because the simliarities are so striking and it makes me want to turn things off. But then I turn on the music (led zep pandora today) and it all starts to melt away. Things are finally starting to smooth out. We are able to communicate again. JP. *clap clap clap*

I’ve found that fuzzy brain makes things super hard. As do other things that are obviously the synapses or connections. Was it the opiates? I still get a rush sometimes. The same one I got when I’d feel a pill coming on. I have a lot of harbored anger towards Dr. G. But at the same time, I did what I could when I went down that path and I’m glad I did.

Sleep is fleeting. I have all of these choices and have no idea which one is going to work >patience, one of my worst issues..lmao….

March 15, 2017 Posted by | Books, fibromyalgia, hubby, music | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things that make you go Hrm

Called about fiber….got a quote..wrote it down..made no sense..didnt schedule..yet cables are coming or are already here? Hrm

Message from phone company saying we have an appointment to have those cables installed..then cuts off before time is said..Hrm

Still following signs. Not sure what to do next. Feeling lost. Grounding took a lot out of me. Don’t know where to go. Pain is bad. Was WELL worth the friendships made today.

I swear I saw a message in the upper right hand corner of my browser the other night, but now I wonder if it was just a bot. I saw a program to write bots. I bet I could teach myself. That’s the plan for the next few resting days that are going to be necessary after my almost 12 hour jaunt into the world. Most of it was spent with kind folk who share similar interests and I’m very glad that we connected. Bedrest, well, chair rest, will be required in order to live. Sleep. Not sure if that is going to happen.

When he read out what he had written for the review describing the limitations I have, it was a swift kick to the gut. A reminder. Today. Asking to use the Elevator at Vista House. It was a huge step for me. I stayed positive and engaged the folks who were helping me out. I tried to ask questions about the beautiful building and they answered with lots of facts and smiles. This is the kind of world I live in right now. I don’t know what to do to bring this little slice of heaven to the rest of the world that’s going through so much. Yes, I have fears. Big ones. He will die within days of not having his medication. I know what it feels like to be without him. Be without him alive. He was without oxygen for 5 minutes. I sat on 911 with the operator pleading with her to make them hurry up. At least that’s what I remember. I remember scary. I remember the spittle. I remember him being stuck. I remember Ty being here. I remember Ty talking to the 25ers. I remember seeing either them compressing his chest, or a shock perhaps? I’m honestly not sure. For a long while, I relived every damn moment, but that has eased as the years have gone by.

Now, it’s my own issues that I’m dealing with. I think I’m learning how to be an adult finally maybe? Only took a zillion years I guess. And a lot of sweat, pain, tears, and hugs and love. Or maybe we don’t ever fully mature into that devil.

Maple gave me a spotify list, with songs and descriptions and I think I just might give a listen to this playlist that I didn’t even have a log in for. If I wasn’t on drugs, I’d be worried that I’m on drugs.

I feel like I’m on Mr. Robot. Or maybe even Black Mirror. Haven’t decided yet, nor will we know for awhile I think.

March 15, 2017 Posted by | death, e-friends, fibromyalgia, Stream of Consciousness | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment